posting for one

on acting out online

All I Have Is My Phone, 2016

Already on this blog, we’ve talked about shitposting, posting for the imagined other, and even sponsored content. Somehow, I’ve neglected to cover one of the purest forms of being online: posting with a specific person in mind.

During one of my recent TikTok spirals, where I consume astrology and relationship advice content despite my better judgment, I watched a video made by a women’s self defense startup that talked about bids for attention. These bids can range from direct questions such as, “How do I look?” to indirect comments on the weather. According to the video, successful relationships hinge on regularly acknowledging their partner’s bids.

Obviously, this concept refers to two people in a committed relationship, but what about the secret bids we do for each other online—our little messages in a bottle floating amongst a sea of content?

Sometimes I feel like all I have left from my past hard-to-define romantic relationships is my little trail of bids for attention on the Internet. I lovingly refer to these digital bread crumbs as “acting out online.” I may not remember the details of our interactions, but I do remember going live on Tinychat and sobbing. I remember getting home from a party and posting a picture of me lying in bed with a bag of sour cream and onion chips, hoping they would see it.